6 years
Speaking to a therapist
rhcp83:
Has anyone ever spoken to a therapist about this fetish and things associated with it?I�ve been curious about what would be said by a mental health professional.
Has anyone ever spoken to a therapist about this fetish and things associated with it?I�ve been curious about what would be said by a mental health professional.
Well, speaking as a former psychology professor and family therapist who has done sex research (and in full disclosure, I went into the field to try to figure out my interest in weight-gain): Having trained many therapists, I would want a therapist to be non-judgmental and ask "what does weight-gain mean to you?" It's important to understand what the meaning of a behavior is for the person doing it, rather than the therapist projecting his or her own issues onto the patient. In a society that fat-shames and assumes fat equals death, it's hard for a therapist to not have "fat is a problem" rushing into their mind.
A psychiatrist I admire once wrote, "what we call a neurosis is the way a patient deals indirectly with his problem." In other words, if the patient deals directly with his problem, he probably doesn't need a therapist.
Just so, if a patient has gained weight because he or she is depressed, that would be a way of dealing indirectly with a problem. Maybe a relationship ended, or a loved one died and food and drink are used to "fill the feeling of emptiness." Then the treatment is to deal with the depression--not the weight-gain.
But tbh, a lot of therapists are not trained to deal with "kinks." If you say you enjoy BDSM, many therapists will not know much about it directly, and may tend to resort to stereotypes. They may feel personally uncomfortable with a kink that isn't theirs. In the field, therapists are very hesitant to be open about their own kinks, for fear of being judged by their peers. There is a concern of those not into BDSM that it's a type of sexual abuse. But for some, BDSM has been a way they have discovered of dealing/controlling their earlier experience of sexual abuse. And for many into BDSM, they aren't there because they had been sexually abused in the past.
So--if a patient/client (insurance--a patient gets meds and a client doesn't) opens up about a kink, the question should be "what does this mean for you?" If the client/patient is unhappy with the kink, then the next step is to explore if there are alternative behaviors that will provide the results engaging in the kink provides. If the client/patient isn't uncomfortable with the kink, then one of the basics of therapy--"you don't fix what's not broken."
If there are health problems due to a weight-gain kink, then that's something else, but again, the treatment should be--if the client/patient feels they need to lose weight that they would prefer to keep--then again, it's exploring alternatives that can provide some of the things the patient/client gets from being bigger.
Over the years of my being in the gainer community, I've encountered individuals who have had unpleasant interactions with therapists over this, and others who felt the therapist provided them a lot of help. As one of the other posters shared--if it's brought up but isn't seen as an issue for the patient, then the therapist should move on to work with the things that are issues.
The only other thing I'd be concerned about since in my practice I mostly saw couples--a kink that isn't shared by a couple can sometimes cause conflict. If that's the issue, then I would expect a good therapist to treat a kink no differently than anything else that causes conflict within a couple.
One theory of this stuff is that it can be thought of as a type of sexual orientation. Just as you can't magically change a gay person into a straight person in therapy, if being a gainer is indeed a type of sexual orientation, then it's unlikely a therapist can "fix a gainer" because, again--there's nothing to fix. This would be where the "patient is dealing directly with a problem." If the individual feels a need to be larger and becomes larger, they aren't dealing indirectly with a problem. If for example, a person enters into a relationship with a dominant feeder, and gains weight only to please the feeder, when gaining isn't the person's kink--then that's a problem because the person is seeking love and approval by the indirect way of gaining. If this was making the gainer upset, then as a therapist, I would want them to examine the nature of their relationship.
For "newbies" it's not uncommon in the gainer community to speak of "civilians"--those that are not into the kink of gaining. It often leads to a problem in dating or staying in a relationship, if gaining for one member is very much like a sexual orientation--the desire to gain isn't going to just "go away." But just as a straight person won't always emotionally understand what it means to be gay, a non-gainer won't fully understand why a partner wants to deliberately gain weight. This would be a situation where a therapist might help, but the problem isn't the gainer--the problem is the interactio
6 years
Speaking to a therapist
[quote]rhcp83:
Has anyone ever spoken to a therapist about this fetish and things associated with it?I�ve been curious about what would be said by a mental health professional.
kaliorexi:
Well, speaking as a former psychology professor and family therapist who has done sex research (and in full disclosure, I went into the field to try to figure out my interest in weight-gain): Having trained many therapists, I would want a therapist to be non-judgmental and ask "what does weight-gain mean to you?" It's important to understand what the meaning of a behavior is for the person doing it, rather than the therapist projecting his or her own issues onto the patient. In a society that fat-shames and assumes fat equals death, it's hard for a therapist to not have "fat is a problem" rushing into their mind.
A psychiatrist I admire once wrote, "what we call a neurosis is the way a patient deals indirectly with his problem." In other words, if the patient deals directly with his problem, he probably doesn't need a therapist.
Just so, if a patient has gained weight because he or she is depressed, that would be a way of dealing indirectly with a problem. Maybe a relationship ended, or a loved one died and food and drink are used to "fill the feeling of emptiness." Then the treatment is to deal with the depression--not the weight-gain.
But tbh, a lot of therapists are not trained to deal with "kinks." If you say you enjoy BDSM, many therapists will not know much about it directly, and may tend to resort to stereotypes. They may feel personally uncomfortable with a kink that isn't theirs. In the field, therapists are very hesitant to be open about their own kinks, for fear of being judged by their peers. There is a concern of those not into BDSM that it's a type of sexual abuse. But for some, BDSM has been a way they have discovered of dealing/controlling their earlier experience of sexual abuse. And for many into BDSM, they aren't there because they had been sexually abused in the past.
So--if a patient/client (insurance--a patient gets meds and a client doesn't) opens up about a kink, the question should be "what does this mean for you?" If the client/patient is unhappy with the kink, then the next step is to explore if there are alternative behaviors that will provide the results engaging in the kink provides. If the client/patient isn't uncomfortable with the kink, then one of the basics of therapy--"you don't fix what's not broken."
If there are health problems due to a weight-gain kink, then that's something else, but again, the treatment should be--if the client/patient feels they need to lose weight that they would prefer to keep--then again, it's exploring alternatives that can provide some of the things the patient/client gets from being bigger.
Over the years of my being in the gainer community, I've encountered individuals who have had unpleasant interactions with therapists over this, and others who felt the therapist provided them a lot of help. As one of the other posters shared--if it's brought up but isn't seen as an issue for the patient, then the therapist should move on to work with the things that are issues.
The only other thing I'd be concerned about since in my practice I mostly saw couples--a kink that isn't shared by a couple can sometimes cause conflict. If that's the issue, then I would expect a good therapist to treat a kink no differently than anything else that causes conflict within a couple.
One theory of this stuff is that it can be thought of as a type of sexual orientation. Just as you can't magically change a gay person into a straight person in therapy, if being a gainer is indeed a type of sexual orientation, then it's unlikely a therapist can "fix a gainer" because, again--there's nothing to fix. This would be where the "patient is dealing directly with a problem." If the individual feels a need to be larger and becomes larger, they aren't dealing indirectly with a problem. If for example, a person enters into a relationship with a dominant feeder, and gains weight only to please the feeder, when gaining isn't the person's kink--then that's a problem because the person is seeking love and approval by the indirect way of gaining. If this was making the gainer upset, then as a therapist, I would want them to examine the nature of their relationship.
For "newbies" it's not uncommon in the gainer community to speak of "civilians"--those that are not into the kink of gaining. It often leads to a problem in dating or staying in a relationship, if gaining for one member is very much like a sexual orientation--the desire to gain isn't going to just "go away." But just as a straight person won't always emotionally understand what it means to be gay, a non-gainer won't fully understand why a partner wants to deliberately gain weight. This would be a situation where a therapist might help, but the problem isn't the gainer--the problem is the
Has anyone ever spoken to a therapist about this fetish and things associated with it?I�ve been curious about what would be said by a mental health professional.
kaliorexi:
Well, speaking as a former psychology professor and family therapist who has done sex research (and in full disclosure, I went into the field to try to figure out my interest in weight-gain): Having trained many therapists, I would want a therapist to be non-judgmental and ask "what does weight-gain mean to you?" It's important to understand what the meaning of a behavior is for the person doing it, rather than the therapist projecting his or her own issues onto the patient. In a society that fat-shames and assumes fat equals death, it's hard for a therapist to not have "fat is a problem" rushing into their mind.
A psychiatrist I admire once wrote, "what we call a neurosis is the way a patient deals indirectly with his problem." In other words, if the patient deals directly with his problem, he probably doesn't need a therapist.
Just so, if a patient has gained weight because he or she is depressed, that would be a way of dealing indirectly with a problem. Maybe a relationship ended, or a loved one died and food and drink are used to "fill the feeling of emptiness." Then the treatment is to deal with the depression--not the weight-gain.
But tbh, a lot of therapists are not trained to deal with "kinks." If you say you enjoy BDSM, many therapists will not know much about it directly, and may tend to resort to stereotypes. They may feel personally uncomfortable with a kink that isn't theirs. In the field, therapists are very hesitant to be open about their own kinks, for fear of being judged by their peers. There is a concern of those not into BDSM that it's a type of sexual abuse. But for some, BDSM has been a way they have discovered of dealing/controlling their earlier experience of sexual abuse. And for many into BDSM, they aren't there because they had been sexually abused in the past.
So--if a patient/client (insurance--a patient gets meds and a client doesn't) opens up about a kink, the question should be "what does this mean for you?" If the client/patient is unhappy with the kink, then the next step is to explore if there are alternative behaviors that will provide the results engaging in the kink provides. If the client/patient isn't uncomfortable with the kink, then one of the basics of therapy--"you don't fix what's not broken."
If there are health problems due to a weight-gain kink, then that's something else, but again, the treatment should be--if the client/patient feels they need to lose weight that they would prefer to keep--then again, it's exploring alternatives that can provide some of the things the patient/client gets from being bigger.
Over the years of my being in the gainer community, I've encountered individuals who have had unpleasant interactions with therapists over this, and others who felt the therapist provided them a lot of help. As one of the other posters shared--if it's brought up but isn't seen as an issue for the patient, then the therapist should move on to work with the things that are issues.
The only other thing I'd be concerned about since in my practice I mostly saw couples--a kink that isn't shared by a couple can sometimes cause conflict. If that's the issue, then I would expect a good therapist to treat a kink no differently than anything else that causes conflict within a couple.
One theory of this stuff is that it can be thought of as a type of sexual orientation. Just as you can't magically change a gay person into a straight person in therapy, if being a gainer is indeed a type of sexual orientation, then it's unlikely a therapist can "fix a gainer" because, again--there's nothing to fix. This would be where the "patient is dealing directly with a problem." If the individual feels a need to be larger and becomes larger, they aren't dealing indirectly with a problem. If for example, a person enters into a relationship with a dominant feeder, and gains weight only to please the feeder, when gaining isn't the person's kink--then that's a problem because the person is seeking love and approval by the indirect way of gaining. If this was making the gainer upset, then as a therapist, I would want them to examine the nature of their relationship.
For "newbies" it's not uncommon in the gainer community to speak of "civilians"--those that are not into the kink of gaining. It often leads to a problem in dating or staying in a relationship, if gaining for one member is very much like a sexual orientation--the desire to gain isn't going to just "go away." But just as a straight person won't always emotionally understand what it means to be gay, a non-gainer won't fully understand why a partner wants to deliberately gain weight. This would be a situation where a therapist might help, but the problem isn't the gainer--the problem is the
6 years
Speaking to a therapist
I'd like to thank you for your first-hand explanations and would agree completely.
Many within the community seem to suffer from not "being normal", misunderstanding that being normal is at first a social definition, which changes in time (e.g. Homosexuality just some decades ago), and second that their relationship towards themselves is relevant. So, I'd like to thank you to highlight this in your post.
Nevertheless, those who I met closer in the community seemed to have something else in common - BPD was something I saw or assumed very often among them. Might be just by accident..... ?
Many within the community seem to suffer from not "being normal", misunderstanding that being normal is at first a social definition, which changes in time (e.g. Homosexuality just some decades ago), and second that their relationship towards themselves is relevant. So, I'd like to thank you to highlight this in your post.
Nevertheless, those who I met closer in the community seemed to have something else in common - BPD was something I saw or assumed very often among them. Might be just by accident..... ?
6 years
Speaking to a therapist
I have seen a therapist for any number of issues, but my sexuality and fetishes have never come up.
I think it's because I have always thought that it was none of his or her business. Which is to say, what was turning me on was irrelevant to how it was interfering with my life.
As kaliorexi said, therapists should be inclined to explore what things mean to you and how they affect your life and function than render judgement.
Of course, I have often thought that abnormal is 'normal' (meaning common) and normal (meaning no kinks) is probably the most abnormal thing out there.
I think it's because I have always thought that it was none of his or her business. Which is to say, what was turning me on was irrelevant to how it was interfering with my life.
As kaliorexi said, therapists should be inclined to explore what things mean to you and how they affect your life and function than render judgement.
Of course, I have often thought that abnormal is 'normal' (meaning common) and normal (meaning no kinks) is probably the most abnormal thing out there.
4 years
Speaking to a therapist
I told a psychiatrist once and although he wasn't negative about it he kind of became too focused on it.
He kept trying to link every issue back to it even though I didn't feel it was a problem.
As a result I've resisted mentioning it to anyone else since because I don't want this one part of me, which I'm personally ok with, becoming the focus of all therapy.
He kept trying to link every issue back to it even though I didn't feel it was a problem.
As a result I've resisted mentioning it to anyone else since because I don't want this one part of me, which I'm personally ok with, becoming the focus of all therapy.
4 years
Speaking to a therapist
[quote]rhcp83:
Has anyone ever spoken to a therapist about this fetish and things associated with it?I�ve been curious about what would be said by a mental health professional.
kaliorexi:
Well, speaking as a former psychology professor and family therapist who has done sex research (and in full disclosure, I went into the field to try to figure out my interest in weight-gain): Having trained many therapists, I would want a therapist to be non-judgmental and ask "what does weight-gain mean to you?" It's important to understand what the meaning of a behavior is for the person doing it, rather than the therapist projecting his or her own issues onto the patient. In a society that fat-shames and assumes fat equals death, it's hard for a therapist to not have "fat is a problem" rushing into their mind.
A psychiatrist I admire once wrote, "what we call a neurosis is the way a patient deals indirectly with his problem." In other words, if the patient deals directly with his problem, he probably doesn't need a therapist.
Just so, if a patient has gained weight because he or she is depressed, that would be a way of dealing indirectly with a problem. Maybe a relationship ended, or a loved one died and food and drink are used to "fill the feeling of emptiness." Then the treatment is to deal with the depression--not the weight-gain.
But tbh, a lot of therapists are not trained to deal with "kinks." If you say you enjoy BDSM, many therapists will not know much about it directly, and may tend to resort to stereotypes. They may feel personally uncomfortable with a kink that isn't theirs. In the field, therapists are very hesitant to be open about their own kinks, for fear of being judged by their peers. There is a concern of those not into BDSM that it's a type of sexual abuse. But for some, BDSM has been a way they have discovered of dealing/controlling their earlier experience of sexual abuse. And for many into BDSM, they aren't there because they had been sexually abused in the past.
So--if a patient/client (insurance--a patient gets meds and a client doesn't) opens up about a kink, the question should be "what does this mean for you?" If the client/patient is unhappy with the kink, then the next step is to explore if there are alternative behaviors that will provide the results engaging in the kink provides. If the client/patient isn't uncomfortable with the kink, then one of the basics of therapy--"you don't fix what's not broken."
If there are health problems due to a weight-gain kink, then that's something else, but again, the treatment should be--if the client/patient feels they need to lose weight that they would prefer to keep--then again, it's exploring alternatives that can provide some of the things the patient/client gets from being bigger.
Over the years of my being in the gainer community, I've encountered individuals who have had unpleasant interactions with therapists over this, and others who felt the therapist provided them a lot of help. As one of the other posters shared--if it's brought up but isn't seen as an issue for the patient, then the therapist should move on to work with the things that are issues.
The only other thing I'd be concerned about since in my practice I mostly saw couples--a kink that isn't shared by a couple can sometimes cause conflict. If that's the issue, then I would expect a good therapist to treat a kink no differently than anything else that causes conflict within a couple.
One theory of this stuff is that it can be thought of as a type of sexual orientation. Just as you can't magically change a gay person into a straight person in therapy, if being a gainer is indeed a type of sexual orientation, then it's unlikely a therapist can "fix a gainer" because, again--there's nothing to fix. This would be where the "patient is dealing directly with a problem." If the individual feels a need to be larger and becomes larger, they aren't dealing indirectly with a problem. If for example, a person enters into a relationship with a dominant feeder, and gains weight only to please the feeder, when gaining isn't the person's kink--then that's a problem because the person is seeking love and approval by the indirect way of gaining. If this was making the gainer upset, then as a therapist, I would want them to examine the nature of their relationship.
For "newbies" it's not uncommon in the gainer community to speak of "civilians"--those that are not into the kink of gaining. It often leads to a problem in dating or staying in a relationship, if gaining for one member is very much like a sexual orientation--the desire to gain isn't going to just "go away." But just as a straight person won't always emotionally understand what it means to be gay, a non-gainer won't fully understand why a partner wants to deliberately gain weight. This would be a situation where a therapist might help, but the problem isn't the gainer--the problem is the inte
Has anyone ever spoken to a therapist about this fetish and things associated with it?I�ve been curious about what would be said by a mental health professional.
kaliorexi:
Well, speaking as a former psychology professor and family therapist who has done sex research (and in full disclosure, I went into the field to try to figure out my interest in weight-gain): Having trained many therapists, I would want a therapist to be non-judgmental and ask "what does weight-gain mean to you?" It's important to understand what the meaning of a behavior is for the person doing it, rather than the therapist projecting his or her own issues onto the patient. In a society that fat-shames and assumes fat equals death, it's hard for a therapist to not have "fat is a problem" rushing into their mind.
A psychiatrist I admire once wrote, "what we call a neurosis is the way a patient deals indirectly with his problem." In other words, if the patient deals directly with his problem, he probably doesn't need a therapist.
Just so, if a patient has gained weight because he or she is depressed, that would be a way of dealing indirectly with a problem. Maybe a relationship ended, or a loved one died and food and drink are used to "fill the feeling of emptiness." Then the treatment is to deal with the depression--not the weight-gain.
But tbh, a lot of therapists are not trained to deal with "kinks." If you say you enjoy BDSM, many therapists will not know much about it directly, and may tend to resort to stereotypes. They may feel personally uncomfortable with a kink that isn't theirs. In the field, therapists are very hesitant to be open about their own kinks, for fear of being judged by their peers. There is a concern of those not into BDSM that it's a type of sexual abuse. But for some, BDSM has been a way they have discovered of dealing/controlling their earlier experience of sexual abuse. And for many into BDSM, they aren't there because they had been sexually abused in the past.
So--if a patient/client (insurance--a patient gets meds and a client doesn't) opens up about a kink, the question should be "what does this mean for you?" If the client/patient is unhappy with the kink, then the next step is to explore if there are alternative behaviors that will provide the results engaging in the kink provides. If the client/patient isn't uncomfortable with the kink, then one of the basics of therapy--"you don't fix what's not broken."
If there are health problems due to a weight-gain kink, then that's something else, but again, the treatment should be--if the client/patient feels they need to lose weight that they would prefer to keep--then again, it's exploring alternatives that can provide some of the things the patient/client gets from being bigger.
Over the years of my being in the gainer community, I've encountered individuals who have had unpleasant interactions with therapists over this, and others who felt the therapist provided them a lot of help. As one of the other posters shared--if it's brought up but isn't seen as an issue for the patient, then the therapist should move on to work with the things that are issues.
The only other thing I'd be concerned about since in my practice I mostly saw couples--a kink that isn't shared by a couple can sometimes cause conflict. If that's the issue, then I would expect a good therapist to treat a kink no differently than anything else that causes conflict within a couple.
One theory of this stuff is that it can be thought of as a type of sexual orientation. Just as you can't magically change a gay person into a straight person in therapy, if being a gainer is indeed a type of sexual orientation, then it's unlikely a therapist can "fix a gainer" because, again--there's nothing to fix. This would be where the "patient is dealing directly with a problem." If the individual feels a need to be larger and becomes larger, they aren't dealing indirectly with a problem. If for example, a person enters into a relationship with a dominant feeder, and gains weight only to please the feeder, when gaining isn't the person's kink--then that's a problem because the person is seeking love and approval by the indirect way of gaining. If this was making the gainer upset, then as a therapist, I would want them to examine the nature of their relationship.
For "newbies" it's not uncommon in the gainer community to speak of "civilians"--those that are not into the kink of gaining. It often leads to a problem in dating or staying in a relationship, if gaining for one member is very much like a sexual orientation--the desire to gain isn't going to just "go away." But just as a straight person won't always emotionally understand what it means to be gay, a non-gainer won't fully understand why a partner wants to deliberately gain weight. This would be a situation where a therapist might help, but the problem isn't the gainer--the problem is the inte
4 years
Speaking to a therapist
Thanks, kaliorexi, for you fascinating and insightful post. It’s the best I’ve read on FF in a long time.
Unfortunately, as you can see in the multiple truncated posts above, FF’s character limit means that it’s not possible to quote you. Shame the forum a software doesn’t warn us, and instead just messes up the formatting and then doesn’t allow us to delete the post... 🙄
Unfortunately, as you can see in the multiple truncated posts above, FF’s character limit means that it’s not possible to quote you. Shame the forum a software doesn’t warn us, and instead just messes up the formatting and then doesn’t allow us to delete the post... 🙄
4 years
Speaking to a therapist
I was on the verge of paying hundreds to chat to a psychologist who specialises in sexuality but decided to pull the plug at the last minute.
I couldn’t see how somebody could “help” regardless of their knowledge of fetishes.
I think this kink is particularly challenging to indulge in whatsoever and has an extreme propensity to shock and horrify anybody who doesn’t have it themselves, whilst being incredibly unhealthy to those who do in the sense that it requires the individual to prioritise their fetish over themselves in a way, whilst I always thought a fetish should be subordinate.
But despite this, the only thing I can see a psychologist doing is trying to help you reframe it in a more positive light to have a better relationship with it, or trying to help you overcome it to the extent that it no longer has much influence over your sexuality, which I’ve tried and failed to do and basically concluded that it’s not possible - like a homosexual attempting to get rid of their homosexuality it’s not happening. Just look at how many feedees delete their account then come crawling back time after time
Maybe I should’ve had the appointment though
I couldn’t see how somebody could “help” regardless of their knowledge of fetishes.
I think this kink is particularly challenging to indulge in whatsoever and has an extreme propensity to shock and horrify anybody who doesn’t have it themselves, whilst being incredibly unhealthy to those who do in the sense that it requires the individual to prioritise their fetish over themselves in a way, whilst I always thought a fetish should be subordinate.
But despite this, the only thing I can see a psychologist doing is trying to help you reframe it in a more positive light to have a better relationship with it, or trying to help you overcome it to the extent that it no longer has much influence over your sexuality, which I’ve tried and failed to do and basically concluded that it’s not possible - like a homosexual attempting to get rid of their homosexuality it’s not happening. Just look at how many feedees delete their account then come crawling back time after time
Maybe I should’ve had the appointment though
4 years
